In Honor of the NHL Playoffs: Superheroes for Every NHL Team
The best time of the year is upon us- THE STANLEY CUP PLAYOFFS. Other sports may get higher ratings, reel in larger ad revenues, and see more screen time on ESPN, but there is no better postseason action in professional sports than that of the National Hockey League. It's not up for debate- the Stanley Cup Playoffs make for the most exciting championship runs in all of sports.
I am champing at the bit for the playoffs to get started. I shaved my face clean in preparation to grow my god-awful playoff beard, I washed my Evgeni Malkin jersey for the last time this season, and I've been resting my voice so I can scream at the TV at any moment. So in honor of this glorious time of year, my best friend JP Bonnet and I combined are two passions- hockey and nerdy shit- for this comprehensive list- 31 superheroes for all 31 NHL teams.
We selected one (ok, maybe two) representatives from each team and picked the superheroes most fitting to their play style, appearance, name, or any other random shit we could think of. Honestly, we fucking crushed it on some of these... Not so much on others, but I will let you be the judge.
Anaheim Ducks
John Gibson- Cannonball
As Cannonball goes faster, he becomes more impenetrable, just as how Gibson becomes a fucking wall once he gets hot.
Arizona Coyotes
Max Domi- Spawn
Image comics creates great stories, but are really known for only one superhero- Spawn. Similarly, the only Coyote we could even think of was Max Domi. There is always that one star surrounded by a bunch of assholes.
Boston Bruins
Brad Marchand- Mole Man
Mole Man is a sewage dwelling king of rodents. Marchand is a rat. A fucking rat. A match made in a garbage heaven. Editor’s note: JP used his sole veto to veto this choice. Connor then used his one veto to veto Jp’s veto. Because Marchand is a goddamn rat. Editor’s Update on Editor’s Note: JP is not pleased.
Buffalo Sabres
Jack Eichel - Richard Rider a.k.a. Nova
Much like the Nova Corp selected Richard Rider to save Xandar, Buffalo has chosen Eichel to save them from their legacy of missing the playoffs every year. Honestly, Nova's job is probably easier.
Calgary Flames
Johnny Gaudreau- Johnny Storm
Ya know, ‘cause flames? And they're both named Johnny? Yeah, you get it.
Carolina Hurricanes
Sebastian Aho- Multiple Man
Imagine growing up with a name like Sebastian Aho and making it to the big stage- the NHL. You may not be the very best, but you'll definitely be the best Sebastian Aho in the league. Now imagine there being a Finnish version of you also making the NHL. Welcome to the lives of Sebastian Aho, the NHL's very own Multiple Man.
Chicago Blackhawks
Patrick Kane-Loki
Almost Everyone loves them, even though they're both terribly tricky people. Don't trust Loki around Asguardian artifacts and don't trust Kane in the offensive zone- or, if you're a woman, around your drink at the bar.
Colorado Avalanche
Nathan MacKinnon- Jimmy Hudson a.k.a. Wolverine’s son
A hot blooded Canadian monster of a skater and the alternate universe son of a legendary X-Man. Neither is the best Canadian at what he does, but they're both making moves regardless.
Columbus Blue Jackets
Artemi Panarin - Dick Grayson a.k.a. Nightwing
The kid finally got out of the Shadows of the Dark Knight (Toews) and has established himself as a bonafide stud- just as Dick Grayson did after ditching Batman and his Robin costume to become Nightwing.
Dallas Stars
Tyler Seguin - Jason Todd a.k.a. Red Hood
Red Hood returned from the dead to haunt Batman and Tyler Seguin returned from obscurity to haunt the Bruins after trading him away for nothing. Plus, both are total assholes who go five hole nightly- if ya know what I mean.
Detroit Red Wings
Henrik Zetterberg-Black Bolt
They’re both quiet, stoic, and born leaders who get the job done without saying a word. But when they do speak, they move mountains.
Edmonton Oilers
Connor McDavid - Superboy
Super-speed, style, undeniable power- just a few things Mcdavid and Superboy have in common. Another? They're both just boys looking to fill the big man’s pants.
Florida Panthers
Aaron Ekblad- Hank McCoy/Beast
Ekblad, is a defenseman first just as Beast is a scientist more than a warrior. Put these two on the offensive, however? You’re fucked.
Los Angeles Kings